Billy

We used to throw stones
Off the roof at passing cars
I found the rocks that Billy threw
Till the city ran out of them
Not a goddamn pebble anywhere
That was the day
Billy threw himself at passing cars
Thus, I lost my one true love
8
Mommy and Daddy were selfish
All they cared was saving face
Said their only daughter had no business
With a boy like Billy anyway
No one know him the way that I did
That’s why nobody came
Or perhaps they both had to work
On my true loves funeral day
16
I was too young to know grief
Its etiquette or its relief
Did not use a month to morn
Rather, a lifetime collecting stones
Through the years the collection grew
Perhaps that’s why at age eighteen
I thought how practical it’d be
To wed a man with a quarry
24
The workmen at the quarry asked Greg
“Who’s the most beautiful woman
You’ve have ever scene?”
“My wife on our wedding day” is the answer Greg gave
Now, this I doubt, and have the right
He was quite drunk on our wedding day
Likely doesn’t remember a thing
It’s a charming line all the same
32
Greg was quite a bit older then me
Been many places, scene many things
Married occasionally
Said I’d be his last, as a mater of fact
For he’d given up society
Spent days in a query among lifeless stone
At night getting drunk before reaching the bar
Where hours were spent wishing the living were rocks
40
“They can’t be unkind” is what Billy would say
“Not on their own anyway”
Cold, smooth and forever anew
For what’s never lived can’t be aging or dead
So thank god for each pebble he gave
I could not judge Greg’s obsession
Understanding being my burden
So five years were spent alone in a house by a quarry
48
Twas a clever trick of time
Ended the marriage of Greg and I
For I willingly wed a 49 year old fellow
Never a 54 year old man
“Play all the numbers” Billy would say
But Billy wasn’t present on my wedding day
Apparently age can’t be got through osmosis
Being married to Greg made me no wiser for ware
56
Packed all my things, preparing to leave
When in the closet I found Billy’s chair
The fucking chair that made strangers stair
As I’d push Billy around everywhere
“Let them stare” he’d say
“Nothing wrong with a little attention”
Wish it were him they were starring at
It’s the one wish I’ve had all along
64
To become a politicians wife
Is to play a broken slot machine
As gambling was never my scene
Became a politicians mistress instead
David said he like the way that I was
How a proper woman should be
High heals, red fingernails
And dumb till something important needs done
72
“Your pretty enough” David encouraged me
“To accomplish most anything
But know you don’t have to, my dear
For fighting is messy
Worse, now with prohibition
I’m just glad to have you to get drunk on”
God, he was gently, simple, kind
And with someone else legally
88
Rumors began
David was a good man
Wife got liquor banned
Then he found a young blond with a soul
The stories were grand
Storied that never ran
For given a chance
The reporters would all do the same
96
Five years went by
Then the women got hold of a kind, gentle man
A decision now had to be made
Billy used to make choices by the role his dice
Never said what the numbers meant
So the rules could be made gradually
David chose to keep his “better half”
That’s what he called his wife
104
Pain, fear, and dirty politics makes the world go round
The philosophy of my better half
He saw everything so simply
We saw everything the same
Is it any wonder then
That I often don’t know where I am
Naturally, the world becomes a cluster-fuck
When the better half of anything goes off a roof
112
The next man I met was not gently, but simple
Had the sort of physique I just had to explore
Never thought of sex as recreation before
But goodness, what fun we had
We were being unfair
For in truth didn’t care for the other properly
Something’s in life mustn’t be thought about twice
Just lay back and enjoy what you’ve got
120
Adrian could be quite kind
Though that wasn’t his natural side
The strength of his physique
Could be used in less pleasant ways
Two years I was battered and bruised
Unable to outweigh the good
An old book store down the block
The one place I’d let myself go
128
Hidden between bookshelves
Happened upon “The Portrait Of Dorian Gray”
Remember quite, was Billy’s favorite book
Perhaps because he looked like Dorian himself
Kept it quite close to my heart
For another three years battered and bruised
I suppose the porn for a woman scorned
Is a book about Dorian Gray
136
One day in the book shop
Scene by a cop
Who looked at me questioningly
Asked where I’d been
Answered “love isn’t a sin”
Though, really sometimes it can be
Not sure how my face looked by then
He said my eyes were lovely, bought me a coffee
Haven’t seen Adrian since
144
Guess some cops can be nice
Like the one used to stand on the corner
He wouldn’t react as though anything were abnormal
While other would ask
“What’s she about, pushing round an empty chair”
Nobody saw that Billy was there.
Just a chair, pare of dice, some rocks
And “The Portrait Of Dorian Gray”
152
I held onto him as long as I could
Five years in the end, that’s all
I shouldn’t have listened, and wish that I didn’t
But it’s too late to save Billy now
I let him go, fall away, leave me
The best man I’ve ever known
I was told to grow up
And now that I am
I wish Billy could still be my friend.